U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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