Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
