Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
