you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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