I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
