Jerry, you need to find god
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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