Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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