Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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