I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
