I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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