I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
