i think my tv is drunk
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
