There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
