walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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