It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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