Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
