I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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