While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
