she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
