dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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