Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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