It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
