I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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