who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
