I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
