Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
