Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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