Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
