i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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