wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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