She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
