Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
