If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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