So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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