I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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