Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
