just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
