he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
