Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize