My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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