I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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