we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
