i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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