Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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