Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
