4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
