Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize