You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
