Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
