Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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