We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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