I bet he comes in French.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
