Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I look better un-naked...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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