My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
