u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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