Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
