I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
