It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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