I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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