At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
