Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
