i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
