I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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