first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
