Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
