Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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