We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
