Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
