i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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